1. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of “Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip…”
  2. Speak only in a “robot” voice.
  3. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 98 copies.
  4. Name your dog “Dog.”
  5. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep them tuned up.”
  6. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
  7. Practice making fax and modem noises.
  8. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
  9. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
  10. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you “like it that way.”
  11. Drum on every available surface.
  12. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
  13. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
  14. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
  15. Set alarms for random times.
  16. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
  17. Begin all your sentences with “ooh la la!”
  18. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
  19. dont use any punctuation either
  20. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
  21. Write “X — BURIED TREASURE” in random spots on all of someone’s roadmaps.
  22. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
  23. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
  24. Stand over someone’s shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
  25. Ask people what gender they are.
  26. Change your name to “AaJohn Aaaaasmith” for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it’s a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each “a.”
  27. Chew on pens that you’ve borrowed.
  28. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your “superior mental processing.”
  29. Sing along at the opera.
  30. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your “imaginary friend.”
  31. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about “psychological profiles.”
  32. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a “magic picture.”
  33. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
  34. Never make eye contact.
  35. Never break eye contact..
  36. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
  37. Invite lots of people to other people’s parties.

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